You can find it anywhere under the sunI hear the side door open. Three little beeps give him away. Footsteps echo down the hall, up the steps and into the kitchen.
You can find it in your heart if you look hard
You can know your way around and be lonely
You can tear us all apart and be on your way
You can tear us all apart
Be on your way
The air begins to feel a little colder
The air begins to show a little time
The air begins to know what you are thinking
The air can see the trouble in your eyes
So tell nobody you're on your own
And find somebody to take you home
To take you home
He has his coffee cup and is covered with the light rain that is falling outside. Back to routine today, including the usual weather. Lochlan stands up from the table and greets Caleb with a nod. I am determined to ignore both of them. I finally found a way to spin the past that makes sense to my heart but I don't like it one bit. Only Lochlan gets a pass, as usual, as I tried to tell you about something nice he did for me without it being just a consequence of his already-planned behavior. Remember, he is logical to a fault. If there is no reason to do something, it isn't done. If it doesn't make sense, it's removed. If it can't be explained it won't exist.
Caleb nods in return. I look up in time to see that movement but he is staring at me. Target acquired. He passes around the island to where I sit and stands beside me. I hold his gaze.
How close are you going to get, Bridget?
To...what? The cliff? I give him the most innocent face of all and I watch his features quarrel with his brain. His mind is angry. His heart is open. It's when his heart closes that you have to watch out. See, in the thirty-two years they have been falling in love with me I have been learning everything about them, too. I can sort them by mannerisms and choice of words. Had his movements been any slower coming up those stairs, I would have run.
It's not the time to coy. I need to know if you plan to make things difficult in our custody arrangement.
What are you talking about?
He looks down as if he is exasperated in trying to reason with a small child.
She's not going to do that. Henry needs his father. Bridget is aware of that. Lochlan speaks from across the room without looking up. He has returned to his chair, he is painting on his tablet. I nod, obediently. Caleb looks more pained at the fact that I am Lochlan's puppet than he did when he thought I might rat him out.
He turns and walks back out, back down the steps, door opens, door closes and there is total silence in the house again.
Why don't you let me fuck with his head, Locket? It's the only entertainment I have today.
Because it could have easily been me in his position.
But it's not.
Close enough. Shitty post, by the way. You have a gift for making me out to be the biggest asshole that ever lived.
You don't care what people feel about you.
What about how it makes me feel?
You were there. None of it should come as a surprise.
Remembering things hurts. You know that? You're not the only one who finds nostalgia agonizing. You have no idea how hard it was to let you go so that he would leave you alone.
And with that he opened a door in the floor and I fell through it.
Fucking Christ. Nevermind.
What did you do, Lochlan?
You were already in the middle of it or I would never have believed the things he was capable of.
I thought it was us against him. That we fooled him. Instead you were fooling me?
I was protecting you.
At what cost?
As it turns out, it cost me everything.
He threatened you to keep us apart. What in the fuck-
No, he threatened YOU, Bridget. Only he demonstrated the damage he could do up front and if you think I was going to risk you after that because I thought he might be bluffing then you don't know me as well you think you do.
I don't think I know you at all. Why didn't you tell me?
You wouldn't have left me if I had.
I didn't leave you.
Right. Exactly. The only way to keep you safe was to push you away and then make a game of it, that we were only pretending to be apart so we could stick together and ruin him. I just didn't tell you everything. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. But it changes nothing. (Logical to a fault. This never ends.)
Oh my fuck. It changes everything, don't you see that? And what changed now?
What do you mean?
You're back. You're here. But I'm still alive. He didn't hurt me. Well, much.
He can't now. You're all grown up. You're the mother of his child. Besides, the damage is done. He kept us apart to the point where you blame us equally for everything and moved on. You did exactly what you were supposed to do in life. Maybe we are both proud of you after all. We ruined each other but you're okay. That's the most important thing.
I'm okay? DO I SEEM OKAY TO YOU?
You have a life, you're in love. You survived us. All of us.
You really believed that he would hurt me so you agreed to leave? You trusted him to leave me alone when you weren't there?
No, Bridget, he SHOWED Me that he could hurt you. I didn't have a choice.
I blamed you. I went to him.
I know. This kills me. Everything went wrong, Bridget. All of it.
Get out. I need to think.
PJ picked that moment to walk into the kitchen. What's going on?
Lochlan looked at him, then at me and stormed out. I turned to PJ in tears. You know the part in the movie where the one doing the double-crossing gets double-crossed? This is that part.
This isn't a movie, Bridget.
It sure feels like it.