I lasted through the three extra cups of coffee this morning and now that the caffeine has worn off the pain is back.
Ow, my head. This headache seems to show itself every third month and last for around five days. It's just lovely, thanks for asking. At least it's as predictable as the migraines used to be, maybe that's what it still is. I don't know. I've had bad headaches since I was a child, but they turned almost debilitating in university and Cole used to take me to the emergency room where they would shoot my hips full of Gravol and Toradol. One to ease the pain and the other to keep me from throwing up. It burned like hell.
The last time I went to the hospital for help I was pregnant with Ruth. After that I figured I was a mom now and moms have got to be some sort of invincible. Only I'm not invincible, and I don't know why I try to be. I just keep taking ibuprofen and drinking coffee and telling myself it's not so bad, when most people would be on the goddamned floor by now.
Others have told me it must not truly be migraines or I would be on the floor. Yes, I'm aware of that but like I said, the pain threshold, it's very high. So high I have broken bones and kept going, figuring they would heal. I had a caesarean without drugs once. I've been tested and I've seen specialists and I've withstood it, so don't tell me what it is and what I should do. I just never talk about it much anymore. Everyone's an expert on three things in life: babies, migraines and grief. This is why when you meet me I may not talk out loud. If you say the wrong thing you'll meet a stream of East coast Tourette's, for I have no patience for generalizations.
AKA Shut the fuck up, unless you fit in my shoes (see next paragraph) and have walked a mile in them. Easier said than done.
I'm actually pretty sure that this pain is a brain tumor and someday it's going to kill me midstep. Abruptly. Switched off, just like that. I hope I'm really old and holding onto something when it happens. That would be better than standing in the shop trying to decide between two pairs of Louboutins, now wouldn't it? Or perhaps just about to turn off the oven. I don't think that would be good either.
I like to keep things organized and not be a burden, you see.
So I'm just putting that here that I'm sure it's a tumor and oh yes I Googled the symptoms and one should never do that and instead I should just tell you that I did have breakfast with Sam and his...paramour? Friend? and it was really nice and he was funny and sweet and a little bit good-looking and I have invited them both here for dinner this weekend and hopefully by then I will feel better and in the meantime I will call Caleb and apologize for swearing at him and telling him to send the construction workers home because I couldn't stand the noise.
Wish me luck. Bring me aspirin. And my apologies for being a tiny little crab tonight.
