Leaves are falling all around, It's time I was on my way.Our company is gone, and with them, Gage, who's taking his vampire cowboy act south for winter. Briefly I was jealous, until I saw the longing in his eyes. Settle down. Find a woman. Stop moving, stop searching. Stop falling asleep alone. Stop having to find your own way with no one to sound off with or confirm your tentative plans, bringing confidence to all endeavors. It's sort of sad, in a way and in another way it's neat to see him arbitrarily choose a day to move on. He wanted to take the camper with him. Lochlan said no, maybe a little more forcefully than he expected, as he's been itching to live in it when he feels like a sullen, belligerent child or a jilted boyfriend.
Thanks to you, I'm much obliged for such a pleasant stay.
But now it's time for me to go. The autumn moon lights my way.
For now I smell the rain, and with it pain, and it's headed my way.
Four months was a long time. Now the only people left to visit in the year are my parents, and they have just cemented plans to come out for Thanksgiving in October. They haven't been here for a very long time so it will be fun. After that I might not speak until Christmas because I get tired easily. I'm not good at being tour guide/chef/hostess/maid unless it's for my boys but maybe that's because there's an endless bank of affection that never runs out in lieu of payment or bill.
You know, things I don't like to talk about. Things like the time bank. Trading off nights in different places, trading off embraces from different arms, trading memories for little pieces of myself hacked off with a dull pen knife. With a sharp sword. With words that cut so deeply I might never stop bleeding.
I'm just toast tonight. First night no company. First night no obligations. First night no Caleb. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk a little more about what makes the devil tick. If he doesn't kill me first.
I keep trying to stack my army but it just falls apart.
Fuck.