Oh, wait. Eighteen. One was totally gunning for Ben and Lochlan to go crashing through the kitchen windows, locked in a struggle to the death, doomed to be dashed into the sea below our house.
Oh, can't you just picture it? Maybe add in laser beams for eyes and yes, I invited
Beauty is a perk, like free parking or cake that is not only cake, but also warm cake.
I did not serve cake for dessert. I didn't have dessert planned, since these boys will stuff themselves full of pasta and garlic bread until they are forced to shove off from the table like they are boats at a shallow launch. Caleb will leave food still on his plate as he is usually deeply engaged in conversation with someone. Ruth will do the same, as it seems to run in the family, words taking precedence over just about everything else.
Big subjects were glossed on, because that's how I wanted to roll and everyone was fine with that.
Except for Benjamin.
And Lochlan too.
Benjamin turned to Caleb with an evil smile. That same one he'll give just before a table is upended. I shot him my death ray stare and he stopped smiling but continued on his chosen tack.
Smoke?
Sure.
Loch?
Yeah.
I put my hands over my eyes. I get it now. They're going to throw Caleb into the sea. Wait, why the hell am I covering my eyes? I should be selling tickets and calling the networks to bring their helicopters so they can televise this epic moment.
(Forgive the gallows humor. I'm possibly the only person in the world who can be excused for using it.)
PJ makes a move to stand up and go outside with them but Chris loudly points out that he wonders where PJ is going since PJ doesn't smoke. A little bit of uneasy laughter follows and then I change the damn subject. If they want to toss Caleb off the cliff then fine. They'll both go to jail. I will categorically self-destruct.
I opt to leave my eyes covered. Daniel puts his arms around me and tells me to relax, they're all reasonable men. I look up, shooting the death-ray stare at him instead. He concedes that he must have had too much to drink and is blathering.
I am beginning to flutter and wonder if I should sit on my hands or just let all of my fearful untapped anxiety spread all over everything when the back door opens and I count three men return to the kitchen. Okay, so I'll keep it all inside for now.
Caleb crosses to me and bestows a light peck on my cheek.
I need to run, princess. Busy day tomorrow. Call when you have a moment and I can get the details for Henry's days from you.
I nod. Why isn't he dead? I would have done it. In a heartbeat. In less than one, actually. While I am fantasizing about quick numbers and quicker deaths he makes his exit, quickly calling a goodbye to all and hugging the children, who are heading up to bed.
We're so civilized sometimes. The lawyers would be proud. What a farce.
The door closes and we hear the footsteps walk to the edge of the verandah and then a moment later the 350z quietly purrs to life. Ben bursts out laughing. Lochlan is grinning but he has his hand over his mouth.
What did you do?
Showed him the moonlight on his brother's plaque. That's all. He is smiling wider now. Sweetly. Motherfucker.
And what did you do? I turned to Lochlan to see what hand he had in all this.
I didn't do anything. If Ben drops him off the cliff and goes to jail, I get you to myself. The way things should be.
Oh well, it was a short reprieve anyway. The fists came out and they went to the floor and those eighteen hands pulled them apart and sent them literally to their rooms. I know they act like children. It never occurred to me that I could ground them for it.
Life just became so much more interesting.