Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Staring down the longest day of the year.

    You're right
    I can never lie
    Let me go
    Try to find a home
    I can't wait
    Try to stay awake
    Dead inside
    Bothered by the lie
    You're right

This morning the lights were too bright, the world was too quiet and the pain hurt too much and I made it all the way to the fifth floor lobby when I turned around and jabbed at the button, willing the elevator doors to open and then swallow me whole again before Joel could turn around and realize I was no longer right behind him.

I failed and he turned and came straight over to where I stood with my eyes shut and he took my arm and bent his head in and asked me quietly where I was going.

, I whispered.

He shook his head and straightened his back and asked if I was going to spend my days hiding in my ivory tower playing loud music and disintegrating slowly or if I was going to get my head on straight and get through this, expecting me to fall into line.

The elevator doors opened, and I stepped in and turned around to face him and I told him that today the music was going to win.

The doors closed on his surprised expression and I am now home with the music on so loud I can feel it in my blood, Jacob's shirt on over my clothes and seven messages on the answering machine from Joel telling me he isn't falling for this and I have been rescheduled for tomorrow where I will be expected to be the person my children are depending on.

He is way too much like Jake.