Batman flew in to the Cape to explain why he failed to mention he was the owner of the house that Ben borrows a couple of times a year.
I told him fifty times I didn't care. That he has nothing to do with me and that I would like
Ben to explain this but Ben drowned his words instead and I never got to dry them out to hear, and Loch washed his hands of Ben and that made Ben feel worse and this cycle is now so vicious it has grueling, unchecked freaking
rabies.
I stood with my arms crossed in the doorway and said Batman could give his excuses and then leave. He said
Aren't you the little spitfire and I nodded because yes, yes, I
am, goddammit and I'm tired of this.
It's my house, Bridget. He said it so gently I almost cried. But I didn't because like I told you, I'm
tired.
Instead I grabbed my bag and DFW and we walked up the lane and into town and I sat down on a bench outside a tiny general store and I took out my phone and took the case off it and looked at the Visa Infinite (that I stole from the Devil) and I called him to ask if I could use it because I'm only a halfling-thief so here, we'll play tag across the planet once again but I need to move really fast to get my head clear.
I couldn't do it though because we need to be home. With the kids and boys. I want to be there, not here with ice cold Batman and Lochlan with his clenched fists and frustrated, breaking voice, who, you know, followed me down to the store and was standing on the other side of the entryway with his hands in his pockets, flicking his lighter, pretty much ready to shadow me as I run. His hair is tied back with a cord and he's in a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans and he looks like home only I don't know where that is and then Ben comes out of the store with a bottle of booze and bag of souvenirs, looks to the left at Lochlan and then he looks down to the right at me and he says,
We need to be home, guys. I'm fucked and she's going to bolt.
I nodded and hung up the phone before Caleb answered.
***
Caleb hands me a bourbon and lemonade and then strokes the bottom of my foot with his knuckles. He's sitting one step below me on the patio stairs. He and Henry had cleanup duty in the kitchen and that's why he's still here. I didn't even cook tonight, Duncan did. It was awful.
Where were you headed? He says after a minute. He's growing a beard. He's wearing jeans and a worn-out navy blue t-shirt and he looks nothing like he should.
The beach house. Then to August, if I could get in touch with him. Internet on their piece of the rock is ridiculously non-existent at best.
And what would you have done?
Pretended he was Jacob for the rest of my days. I down the drink in one gulp and let out a shaky, watery breath.
Wow. He says.
Tell me about it. I can't...I mean, I don't seem to be having any luck accepting that he's gone. It's like there's a black hole and he's in it, I just have to find him but when I go in, there's no light, no sound, no nothing. No Jake.
And August will change that?
No, but maybe he's as close as I can get to what I used to have.
I think your mind is messing with your heart.
It's the other way around, I swear.
All of it served to be just more distraction. Caleb got me, Lochlan took the children out for ice cream and while we were being rewarded for good behavior with treats, the rest of them were forcing Ben onto a different plane so that he can go back and finish the program he apparently walked away from earlier this spring.
