A date with the Devil. Hope he has cake.

Caleb calls me out into the snow at 6ish this morning. Everyone's stirring. I bring my coffee and have boots on and pajamas. My hair is sideways and I jam it back behind my ears. Lochlan rolls his eyes as I go out the door and wonders out loud what he wants.

Caleb is holding a small box. He looks at it while he tells me that he understands that I am afraid, that he hopes to change that some day. He apologizes for asking for a good faith visit with him, telling me that he is thankful I was able to bring about the reconciliation between himself and his best friend, that his friendship with Lochlan is important to him and it is not contingent on nor is it tied to his relationship with me, but that he was hoping to be on close terms with us both. With everyone.

I nod and sip my coffee.

Are you alright? 

I don't know. Maybe. I look at my coffee. I'm freezing. It was -4 on the readout of the weather station in the kitchen and I didn't wear a jacket.

Go inside, Neamhchiontach. Maybe we can talk later. It's your call. 

I nod and he leans down and lands a kiss against my forehead before I turn to head up the steps.

Bridget-

I turn back. Yes?

You asked for me. That was the catalyst. What gives?

I know. It happened so fast. I thought it would be a longer fight. 

Was it a test? Are you disappointed in Lochlan? 

I am never disappointed in Lochlan. I look at Caleb now. My chin is up, my expression stubborn.

It's a fair question. 

No it is not. 

You forget-I'm part of this now too. 

I know. 

Will I see you this week? 

Tonight. 

Seriously? His face morphs into this huge excited eighteen-year-old's grin. I never could resist it.

Eight good? 

Eight is fine. Maybe just come over for dessert and see how you feel. Okay?

Okay. I feel weird and now I'm frozen to my bones, so in I go. Once inside I realize I didn't get to see what was in the box. Probably tonight. Maybe it's my soul. I was even smaller than this when he took it.

Most days.

Ben and I spent the afternoon trying to do handstands and walkovers into the snow of the pool. It's back. It's weird being here in the snow, I can't get used to it and Ben can't do a walkover. He can run and do a back flip into the snow easy but I was afraid he would break his neck and asked him to stop. In turn he said I looked really freaky walking like a circle in slow motion back flips with an arched back and only my hands and feet touching the ground.

They teach that at the circus? He asked.

Summer camp. I could do it before I got to the circus, I told him.

When we got too cold to stay outside we headed toward the patio and Caleb appeared like a vampire. Ben was conciliatory, giving me a shove in the Devil's direction but I came back to Ben on his downswing.

I looked the Devil in the eye but my mouth went dry and my hands started to shake. Ben and I have plans to spend the afternoon, sorry. 

Caleb made an oddly gracious reminder about good faith promises and then a hasty exit and Ben stared at me until we were alone again.

Bridget, did Caleb somehow force you to ask Lochlan for a truce? 

No? 

Because for someone who wants her freedom to go to the Devil you seemed more than a little afraid. Has Lochlan addressed this? 

I'm not ready, that's all. I didn't expect them to sort through this after so long. 

You bluffed. 

I didn't bluff. I think I just...overshot. And now instead of an open promise I suddenly have an extra rich clingy boyfriend. 

Oh MY GOD. HAHAHAHAHAHA (See the Guardians of the Galaxy 2 trailer? At the end when Drax goes DO ME NEXT HAHAHAHAA. Yeah, that's Ben.)

What's so funny? There's Lochlan back from Batman's early. Great. Ben's going to twist this because it's funny to him.

Your wife is afraid of her new boyfriend and may have bluffed, thinking you two would never make up but then you did and she doesn't want to go to him. 

That's not what's happening. The longer we go in between the harder it is. I don't know if I can trust him. Or you. Or anyone for that matter. Or Ben. Especially Ben. I regard him with narrowed eyes.

This is bullshit. Lochlan says.

Yes it is. I agree.

What do we do? He asks. He's cold. He just wants to go inside.

Nothing. I'll find my courage tomorrow maybe. Or the next day. 

Bridget-

It's fine. Really! 

But they both look at me like I'm crazy, which is nothing new either.

NYE

We met on the plains of Point Perdition just before eleven, instantly had an argument and retreated, lighting the fields on fire behind us so we wouldn't be followed. The power went out, the generators kicked in and the snow fell so thickly it was like cotton from heaven. We opened some champagne, toasted to a new year and Caleb briefly appeared again, this time at the side door, no harm no foul, to wish us a happy new year and invite us for brunch the next morning. We agreed sometimes a rocky start is better than no start at all and left each other on good terms. Well, most of us did. Sam had his feelings hurt somehow and tried to magnify that into a reason to keep the very quiet tiny party going but I bailed on the blackness all around and fell asleep with the dog at my feet, safe in my bed before one. When I woke up at three the lights were all blazing again and everyone (Ben is the late night ringleader) was mostly awake and still talking, watching movies and generally doing this otherly-human thing of staying up super late. I can't do it. I'll barf. But I did get up early this morning and put away most of the Christmas stuff, started some laundry and made myself a huge mimosa with the rest of the champagne. In a double-sized A&W mug I found in the cupboard so I should have been useless by brunch but no. I was just hungry.

(I think they all thought it was going to be a repeat of 2012. I don't think we're there yet. I don't think I was ever there to begin with.)