Beets, maybe.

They conveniently rallied around the Devil today, inviting him out for lunch, asking him for help with stuff, hanging out, being brothers as when one of the brothers in the Collective is hurting the others will always, always swoop in to help. By the time I came home from work, sweating right through my dress, done with customers, done with shit, done with life, they were having a grand old time tearing up the garden, sleeves rolled up, shovels and the tillers in overdrive.

I stopped and watched for a moment, smiling, though it hardly reached my face for being so tired. I wished for a picture, as I could have had it developed in black and white and added it to our history. Conquering the new world, or putting down roots, would be the caption.

In all honesty, these days we practice Irish gardening. I throw a handful of seeds towards the dirt and harvest what comes up. It works a little too well sometimes and some years it's a lot of work but with time management and all of this help we'll figure it out and come out ahead. Gardening is a very peaceful thing for me, and I don't care if it's flowers or food, it does more than pills, counselling, distraction or time.

I'm really glad they picked him up where I left him off. He needed it. I needed it too. 

Hasselblad heyday.

I went up to deliver Caleb's mail (it's my job this month. We all take turns and you get the task for the whole month. No one has to come dig through mail in the front hall. If some is for you it will be delivered to your room. It keeps my front hall clear.

I knocked and he said Come in and when I came in he was just standing up and turning off his monitor. Just a second too late.

What is that?

Just finishing up some banking-

No, your wallpaper. Turn it back on, please, I want to see. 

He sighs and lets his shoulders drop but he complies.

One of Cole's photographs of me.

You live in the same house. Do you really need a...a...technological shrine?

It's a beautiful photograph. 

They all were. But I don't want to see them. 

Then don't put them on your computer.

It feels inappropriate. 

It's nothing of the kind. My brother took a nice picture of my girlfriend, if you leave out all of the history. It's nothing you need to worry about. 

Do you have a lock of my hair and a few candles burning somewhere too?

No, I blew those out already. That's why you're here. I had a little summoning circle.

Oh, Jesus. 

Well, you asked. I'm just up here all day making voodoo dolls of Lochlan and casting wizard spells to make you mine. Seriously, Bridget. Thank you for bringing up my statements but honestly it's a good photo and if you stick around long enough you'll see they rotate through a sizeable collection of his work, including some even of Chris and Loch. So while I love to flatter you and you deserve it, it's really just a picture. 

It's never just a picture. 

No, it is. It really just is. I miss my brother. Let me have that. 

Captain Marvel update.

It was AWESOME!! The first half I was all lol aliens and the second half came back and put me on my ass. It was very very good and worth a weaker first half, which I was told sets up the Avengers world or something. I only fell asleep twice but rescued myself thanks to Lochlan glaring at me in the dark.

Lol. Aliens.

Also, managed to hear Heart, Lita Ford, Garbage and Hole in the same movie. WTF. 

Happy Saint Patrick's Day. My very own in-house Saint Patrick made coffee and french toast for us this morning, encouraged us to go outside and eat on the patio (which is fully decorated so I wonder if we're having a party tonight) and then got tickets to see Captain Marvel for the squad this afternoon.

I guess he got the morning half-right.

I'm KIDDING.

(Really not a Marvel person.)

(Maybe this one will change my mind.)

On the other hand the theatre has coffee. And nachos. So good enough. Lunch is decided. Actually coffee and nachos is not a good combo.

(Also I learned last night that when Thanos dissolved half the people on earth in the last Avengers they'e actually dead. I thought they were transported to another planet. That's weird. It totally looks like they're just being whisked away but WHATEVER, people. Give me the cliff's notes and eventually I'll figure it out.)

(PSS we watched Mortal Engines last night. AMAZING concepts which fell mostly flat. Can't figure out why. Why why why? Everyone in the movie was a beautiful soul. Why did this movie not work? At all? Let's all go think about it and touch base later. I realize you're not here for my reviews but I also don't care.)

The princess and the violet fog (spoilers if you're dying to see A Star is Born and haven't, yet).

Let me be naive here, just for one post.

Have you tried the gin? McQueen & the Violet Fog? It's like drinking rosemary-licorice cordial and it's very very good. I had way too much of it yesterday and yet I woke up okay today. Maybe because I got up at seven sharp and made coffee. I've decided to double my coffee consumption because honestly I'm cooking dinner now and I'm head-dropping while I stir boiling things on the stove, while I set the table. While I sort the mail (into eight piles. We get so much mail holy shit)

More coffee is not going to stave off the narcolepsy but the nervous energy it creates will help to insulate me from its effects.

So after thinking over my movie viewing yesterday I figured out why I didn't like it.

It was La La Land in a different package, with a grittier face and a far more tragic result of said actions.

I'm all for people going for their dreams but what happens if you find love along the way? According to Hollywood, you stomp that shit out post haste and continue on your way.

In the old days you would give up your dreams and settle, because love.

Modern days, hell, modern demands have changed that so it's the opposite now. God help you if you give up those dreams, and god help the significant other who holds you back.

Why can't you have a happy medium? Keep your dreams, and keep your love. There was no reason why she couldn't have brought him on tour. No reason why she couldn't have forced him to go, brought some keepers to handle him (because that awards show fiasco was so preventable) and then everyone is happy.

Instead they decided to be tragic. Fuck that. Choose love.

Shallow.

Ben came home early from his meeting and I am positively halfway to shitfaced, which is probably two martinis too many, but this is my fourth, I can't enunciate any more and I'm afraid he's going to be disappointed in me as I lost my grip on the day, a grip that was one-handed anyway, greasy enough to slide too far for my comfort and already way past theirs.

It's March break still, the last one we'll ever get. It's spring which hurts in a weird way. I always seem to fall in love in the spring and have my heart broken in summer, fall and winter, if we're keeping track but right now the buds are on the trees and it's a retina-searing eighteen degrees but cold in the wind. 

That's fine. I'm inside. 

Nothing particularly bad happened today, I'm just tired. I lie that information to Ben and he fails to believe it. He asks me if the concert cancellation (Breaking Benjamin (not my Benjamin) and Asking Alexandria cancelled their western Canadian tour dates due to 'production issues'. I know what that means, I'm not dumb, but I am seven hundred dollars richer again soon because refunds! Refunds and breathing space because we had three concerts in one week in April and now there's only two) had anything to do with it. Of course not. Shit happens ('production issues', apparently). I just...eh...I need more sleep. 

I'm watching A Star Is Born on my laptop (the remake with Bradley and ah..er...Lady? Not the Barbra Streisand one, but I'm going to dig that up next) and it's freaking GREAT. Their chemistry is blowing me off my seat. 

I'm glad you never met anyone like that, I tell Ben. Or rather, I almost tell him. Some of the words aren't fully formed. 

I did, he says. 

I mean someone who could sing. 

I did, he says. 

OH my fucking God! I mean Lady Gaga with her million award nominations and Saturday Night Live gig! 

Yeah, you're not really all that, are you? He said it as a joke but I just took another huge swallow of gin and put the movie back on just in time to see Bradley Cooper take a big swallow of gin, too. Oh, I get it. In this story, I'm the guy with a fucked up life watching someone steal my starshine. 

Gotcha, universe. Touché.

(Also I went into this knowing nothing, laughing about how much Bradley Cooper sounded like Sam Elliot with his Deep Voice and then Sam Elliot comes on screen. Yay.)

(Boy did I ever go into this knowing nothing. Oh my God. Next time go ahead and spoil it, please. Everyone was like It's great! It won awards! Well, to someone like me it's a battlefield disguised as entertainment and I don't have any fight left in me. Ben almost threw the computer out the window.)

Nice try.

I think they're planning something.

I waltzed into the kitchen in time to see PJ putting bags in the cupboard. He saw me and did a double-take and then all but threw the bags inside and shut the door. I saw a flash of green foil.

When I asked Lochlan and Ben what they want to do this weekend (Drive over mountaintops? Freeze to death kayaking? Spend the whole damn thing at the movies?) they both demure on making plans, saying they are tired and we should have a quiet weekend to rest, since no one is sick (ha, still coughing a bit), and since we don't have to do anything specific.

But it's St. Patricks Day! I complained. My national holiday! The one where everything is green except whatever I eat because I'm allergic to food colouring. 

Eh, it's not a specific holiday, Bridge. But I see Lochlan struggling to keep a straight face so I let him off the hook because I know something exciting is coming.

Yeah, you're right. I guess I'll mark it in my own way. 

That's my girl. Hey, maybe we can go see Captain Marvel this weekend. 

Or we can do nothing. You said you were tired, right?

Yeah. (He (Monsieur MCU superfan) was hoping I'd be on board but I'm die-hard DC, remember?)

Typical.

What would you like for dinner, Bridge? 

Toasted marshmellows and cold vodka. 

Where? 

In the pool. 

When?

Moonrise, of course. 

You're weird. 

Thank you.

Pies offering.

I did go to work after all, and halfway through the day I turned and walked all the way to the last booth, pulling down the menu and finding Batman there. 

You were coming to see me, that day you got..ah..distracted with Jake. 

I was.

Why?

Maybe a loan. 

He laughs a big, rare laugh. For what?

Does it matter?

Perhaps. 

I need to buy all the Jeeps. 

Why? 

No one told me how fun they were to drive.

Maybe I should get one. 

Yeah, you should. Take mine out this weekend and see. 

You'll lend your beloved? 

It's insured. Ruth takes it, sometimes. 

Possibly. 

Does this mean you might come back and see me and actually find me at some point? 

They wouldn't be very impressed. 

That's fine. I don't live to impress the commune. 

Collective.

Whatever. 

You're part of it. 

If I were I would have a place at the table. I am nearby. Close enough to keep an eye on you. 

I soften briefly. He is difficult and and it's rare that we're into each other. So rare. I appreciate that. 

I'm glad to hear it. Maybe now I can try this famous pie of yours? 

What kind would you like?

Surprise me. Just warm it up a little, please? 

I'll be right back. 

Light be mine.

Ben had to pry me away from him this morning. Who wants to go to work when there are sweet reunions to be had? But under promise of more snow I went, because I knew it would be less busy, hopefully and more organized. I like it when it's organized. I hate it when I'm running nonstop. 

I got another kiss and Ben said he would be lonely until I got home and Lochlan glared at him and asked if he was just a third wheel or what? Ben didn't miss a beat, winked and Loch and said Shhhhh. I'm just letting her think what she wants. The minute she's gone I'm all yours. 

Lochlan laughed out loud and the happiness in the room made it even harder for me to leave. 

The day went fast and once I was home time slows back down, the way it should. We made dinner, I got caught up on laundry (have to wash my work dress for tomorrow since I only have one) and now they're looking at a gold-panning video online while I make my lunch for tomorrow. 

Maybe I'll call in sick.